Anna Tambour and Others
Hand across the sea
Have you tried my blog? Like oysters to some, and like oysters to others. —Tickle your tastebuds— A skeleton in my closet That memento mori: The big picture and little things
"I hate quotations. " - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I would suggest the
president deploys wisdom to tackle the crisis.. because that is
a diversionary strategy."
– Nicola Twilley, Syrup Stockpiles, Wine Lakes, Butter Mountains, and Other Strategic Food Reserves, Edible Geography Let it roast indifferent long. – "Joan", cookbook writer of the 1600s, quoted in Taste: The Story of Britain through its Cooking by Kate Colquhoun Why should a word in a recipe be less important than a word in a novel? One can lead to physical indigestion, the other to mental. – Julian Barnes, The Pedant in the Kitchen Last I called by, Muntjac was roasting in the oven, surfaces brimming with mushrooms gathered, some dried, a hoard: Shaggy Parasols; Chanterelles, orange and sweet-apricot-scented; something blue. Another fellow appeared a basket in his hand large to gather wood, in it full – Penny-Buns, Ceps, plentiful as a baker’s. - Olivia Heal, Notes: On Forage, Mushrooms and the Noma Cookbook Emma lent me a crochet hook so I made many octopi. Several were worn as fascinators and all have found good homes." - Kathleen Jennings, here In the art of postmodernists hedonistic motives are rare; they are basically non-existent in installations and video art projects of recent years. As a kind of postmodernist response, with its intrinsic underlying irony, to the theme of oriental hedonism one can consider the part of a photo-collage diptych inspired by the verses of I. Brodskiy, "We lived in a city the color of petrified vodka". - Akbar Khakimov, Hedonism in Contemporary Art, San'at, (The magazine was created in accordance with the Decree of the Cabinet of Ministers of Uzbekistan 'About the Academy of Arts of Uzbekistan' ") "Like a couple at an okay party, who turn up late and spice things up: the horseradish [in a Bloody Mary] makes your sinuses fizz, the celery leaves tickle your cheeks, and and stalk, with the runnels of tomato juice in its furrows, makes an ideal instrument of emphasis in drunken conversation." - Niki Segnit, The flavour Thesaurus I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions. - Lillian Hellman, in testimony before the US House Committee to Investigate Un-American Activities, 1952 More in The Cellar ØØØ
Anna Tambour stories that can be read online: The Oyster and Alice O. The Dog Who Wished He'd Never Heard of Lovecraft Stories & poems in the HMS Beagle: BioMedNet archive Temptation of the Seven Scientists The Emperor's Backscratcher
Travels with Robert Louis Stevenson in the Cévennes The Wages of Food-Play Klokwerk's Heart Me-Too
& Try Bowl of Critters an occasional snack
Now serving: The adventures of discovering the ellemehnopee Skin, Fiction, Mushrooms, & Progress Out-of-the-box Serving Suggestion The Mary Quant Jelly Thing & other surprises from the sea And in Heliotrope Magazine A long poem Succession At Quandong Creek
Asher E. Treat (1907 - 2004)
"Actually, Asher was an excellent dinner companion. Anybody who wears a loupe around his neck at dinner, and tells you how he finally trained his box turtle Mabel to listen to his commands (after 35 years), or sent small boys out to catch bats, and then explain how mites can only live in the left ear (right ear in the old world) of moths to evade the bats, or who would build a mammoth box kite and fly it half a mile high off Cobble, or who would play his French horn so that you'd hear it across the valley, Anybody like that makes an excellent dinner companion." - Edward Perkins, in a letter to A.T. — A little Treat — " The lepidopterist who seeks an easy introduction to the Astigmata had best leave his collection and visit the nearest cheese shop. "
Home of The Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Bulwer-Lytton a place of compassion in a cruel world
Anna Tambour currently
lives in the Australian bush with
a large family of other species,
including one man.
(Rosie, the beauty in the picture above, died on the 19th of January, 2006. Her tributes are firstly this, and then this.)
I really hate the imperative to be an image (why can't people worship my Word?) but since I've lost this dogfight, here's a current image for Creative Commons use:
Qs and As
Some Seasoned Preserves Late winter August 2015 When silk isn't silk
Early winter May 2015 Dragonfly wings
Early Summer December 2014 The most haikuable tea tree
Spring November 2014 What doesn't kill you makes you curiouser
Late Summer February 2014 The Smyrnas ripen
Spring October 2013 Bessie
Winter August 2012
Tea moulds conviviate in a crazed pot.
Autumn March 2011
Summer December 2011 another Magnificent Insignificant
Spring October 2011 "Native peach" Trema tomentosa showing leaf curl that could be caused by a virus, though "peach" is caused by a delusion
winter July 2011 An oddly exhibitionistic mantis
Summer January 2009 Fresh from the ground, a cicada If we had been made in the image of Cicada, what price gold and rubies?
Anna Tambour is a rogue
punk-prophetess whose writings not only stray from the beaten path;
some of them are so far out there that you can hear the distant
drums of strange story-tribes being awakened by her prose.
British Fantasy Society
Books by A.T. & Publications with Tambour stories & Online stories
2015 August release: from Ticonderoga Publications The Finest Ass in the Universe with an Introduction by Jeffrey Ford Elation, compulsion, exploration, love and exquisitely timed bullying, a lascivious oyster, a man called Eggplant, the dangers of smelling like honey pudding, the enticement of innocent toadlets, the unending day of deadness. The daughter of a part-time magician and a Las Vegas showgirl turns to science, destiny points a young man to brassiere design, suddenly orphaned siblings try to protect their most vulnerable, fortunes craze in neighbourhoods living cheek-by-jowl. Unintendeds abound, as life cavorts in all its unclassifiable contrariness. "The Finest Ass in the Universe is a ventriloquist's delight, invoking a multitude of voices, places, and styles ? whimsy as sly and telling as the snarky poetry of Lewis Carroll, beauty you won't soon forget, horror that will leave you helpless with laughter ? yet one master chef made the whole banquet. (Listen between the lines, to hear the underlying song.)"
– Faren Miller, Locus Magazine
"It would be inaccurate to say each story in The Finest Ass in the Universe takes your hand and pulls you into its world. Rather, each story dunks you headlong into the vortex of its world ... It is unlike anything I have read before."
– Cecilia Quirk, The Melbourne Review of Books "Tambour is one of those writers who writes carefully and exquisitely and slowly ... To have twenty six-short stories collected in one place (including five originals) is seriously exciting." – Alexandra Pierce, Aurora Australis, Tor.com
Newest Release "Curse of the Mummy Paper" in Postscripts #34/35 Breakout An anthology edited by Nick Gevers from PS Publishing
"The Gun Between the Veryush and the Cloud Mothers" in Asimov's Science Fiction April/May 2015
"Wiseman's Terror Tales" in from Jurrasic London (All proceeds go to support UK charity Mosac)
2014 "Ahem," said Moses. "The Old Testacles" a short story in The Cascadia Subduction Zone
Crandolin is now out in Hardback
—Free to Read at Tor.com— "The Walking-Stick Forest"
a short storyThe gorgeous painting is by Karla Ortiz. See more of her artwork here.
The Art Director is Irene Gallo.
This short story was acquired and edited for Tor.com by consulting editor Ellen Datlow.
I wrote the "The Walking-Stick Forest" for Ellen, who has not only given me the most inspiring rejections but has been the best guide any writer could dream of.
2013"Bowfin Island" in from Eibonvale Press Caledonian Dreamin' Strange Fiction of Scottish Descent
edited by Hal Duncan and Chris Kelso "There just isn't an English word to conjure up the specific mode of gutted thwartedness that is the sickening sensation of being scunnert." - Hal Duncan Every library, public and private as the little room, should have this fascinating and playful collection.
"Marks and Coconuts" (my paean to parrots) in from PS Publishing Postscripts #30/31 Memoryville Blues edited by Peter Crowther & Nick Gevers
"The Dog Who Wished He'd Never Heard of Lovecraft" reprinted from Lovecraft eZine #13, April 2012 in from Ticonderoga Publications The Year's Best Australian Fantasy & Horror 2012 edited by Liz Grzyb and Talie Helene
CRANDOLIN shortlisted for the 2013 World Fantasy Award “With the appearance of her new novel, Crandolin, she will surely register Richter-powerful on the delighted synapses of all patrons of weird, funny fabulism ... But what’s really central to Tambour’s tale is the romance of food.” —Paul Di Filippo, Review, Locus Magazine Open Crandolin! “By turns lyrical and absurdist, whimsical and elegantly true, Crandolin is unlike any novel you will ever have read. Anna Tambour is brilliant, a true original.”
—Lucius Shepard "Most of all, this book is completely original. And how many times do you find a book like that? I read a few hundred of the blasted things a year, and even I only encounter one or two really, really unique books on a good year. If I don't read another book as original, whimsical, witty and wondrous as this all year, it will still have been a very good year. Heck, a very good decade." -Jayaprakash Satyamurthy, Review, Aaahfooey (with cover art by Christopher Conn Askew) May 2015 notice: Chomu Press is no longer the publisher. Crandolin is currently out of print, but will rise again. "At heart Crandolin is a rich confectionery, a tapestry woven out of dreams and nightmares, an Arabian Nights tale for the twenty first century with Tambour as
Scheherazade, lulling us with her mellifuous voice and artistry. I loved it, and didn’t want it to end." —Peter Tennant, Review, Black Static
More Magazines and Anthologies with A.T.'s Short Stories "She writes so far left field that you need binoculars to see her." - Girlie Jones, Not if You Were the Last Short Story on Earth 2013 "God" and "Mother Hubbard's Cupboard" in Missing Links and Secret Histories: A Selection of Wikipedia Entries from Across the Known Multiverse edited by L. Timmel Duchamp published by Aqueduct Press
2012 "King Wolf" in A Season in Carcosa edited by Joseph S. Pulver Sr. published by Miskatonic River Press with more by Joel Lane, Simon Strantzas, Don Webb, Daniel Mills, Gary McMahon, Ann K. Schwader, Cate Gardner, Edward Morris, Richard Gavin, Gemma Files, Joseph S. Pulver, Sr., Kristin Prevallet, Richard A. Lupoff, Michael Kelly, Cody Goodfellow, John Langan, Pearce Hansen, Laird Barron, Robin Spriggs, and Allyson Bird Free shipping worldwide from The Book Depository
"How Galligaskins Sloughed the Scourge" in Bloody Fabulous: stories of fantasy and fashion edited by Ekaterina Sedia published by Prime Books with more stories by Holly Black, Richard Bowes, Genevieve Valentine, Sandra McDonald, Sharon Mock, Zen Cho, Kelly Link, Shirin Dubbin, Die Booth, Rachel Swirsky, Maria V. Snyder, Nick Mamatas, and John Chu
"Murder at the Tip" in Light Touch Paper - Stand Clear edited by Edwina Harvey and Simon Petrie published by Peggie Bright Books with more stories by Joanne Anderton, Adam Browne, Sue Bursztynski, Brenda Cooper, Katherine Cummings, Thoraiya Dyer, Kathleen Jennings, Dave Luckett, Ian McHugh, Sean McMullen, Ripley Patton, Rob Porteous
The Dog Who Wished He'd Never Heard of Lovecraft Free to read, and/or download the audio version read by Bruce L. Priddy in Lovecraft eZine #13, April 2012 edited & published by Mike Davis
more free-to-reads:from Phantasmagorium #1 Decemberish 2011 edited by Laird Barron "Cardoons!" a terrifying tale of veg and WARNINGs Read Cardoons! online here
"The Oyster and Alice O." in FLURB a Webzine of Astonishing Tales Issue #12 "Fall–Winter" 2011 edited and illustrated (in paintings and photographs) by Rudy Rucker.
2011 New e-editions from infinity plus "Tambour could be called an infinity plus 'discovery' ... Monterra’s Deliciosa is a delicious collection of often startling and outrageous tales." – Paul F. Cockburn, Interzone, May-June 2011 "I have particularly enjoyed Monterra's fable, and have read it to my pigs Alice, Ferdinand and Isabella, who also appreciated its humour and scope."
–Tom Jaine This edition includes a
Even this infinity plus e-dition includes never-before-seen additives
Infinity Plus Singles #10 and #15
2010 Sprawl edited by Alisa Krasnostein Published by Twelfth Planet Press "Gnawer of the Moon Seeks Summit of Paradise"
Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine in #44, the cover story "The Eye of Nostradamus Summit" (cover art by Marc McBride) in #46 "How Galligaskins Sloughed the Scourge" in #42 "The Arms of Love and Death"
June 2010 "Dreadnought Neptune"
2009 Lovecraft Unbound edited by Ellen Datlow "Sincerely, Petrified"
2008 The Del Rey Book of Science Fiction and Fantasy: Sixteen Original Works by Speculative Fiction's Finest Voices edited by Ellen Datlow "Gladiolus Exposed"
Paper Cities: An Anthology of Urban Fantasy edited by Ekaterina Sedia Published by Senses Five Press "The Age of Fish, Post-flowers"
Year's Best Australian Science Fiction & Fantasy, Volume 4 edited by Bill Congreve & Michelle Marquardt Published by MirrorDanse Books "The Jeweller of Second-hand Roe"
Scary Food: A Compendium of Gastronomic Atrocity edited by Cat Sparks Published by Agog! Press "Tasty Morsels" & other stories
2007 EŞİK CİNİ 13 Two stories (The tiger and the mice & Sweat, Joy, and Thunderation) and an interview, translated into Turkish by Nurduran Duman Eþik Cini means 'Elf of Sills'
The Workers' Paradise edited by Russell B. Farr and Nick Evans "Seahoney"
Subterranean #7 edited by Ellen Datlow "The Jeweller of Second-hand Roe" Aurealis Award, Horror Short Story
Logorrhea: Good Words Make Good Stories edited by John Klima Order here or ask for it at your bookstore "Pococurante"
Interfictions: An Anthology of Interstitial Writing edited by Delia Sherman and Theodora Goss "The Shoe in SHOES' Window"
"The Syncopation Streak" Polyphony 6 edited by Deborah Layne and Jay Lake
"The Beginnings, Endings, and Middles Ball" Read it in Omnidawn's free sampler ParaSpheres: Fabulist and New Wave Fabulist Stories edited by Rusty Morrison & Ken Keegan
"See Here, See There" Agog! Ripping Reads edited by Cat Sparks
"The Slime: A love story" Lady Churchill's Rosebud Wristlet No. 19 edited by Gavin Grant and Kelly Link
"The Cat Story" Andromeda Spaceways, #24 edited by Edwina Harvey
"There is No Rice Pudding in the Sea" Fantasy Magazine, #3 edited by Sean Wallace
in Mythic Delirium edited by Mike Allen a poem: "Trapped Words" Hear it read by Alistair Rennie
His eyelashes fluttered. 'Oh dearie me. You asked, and I'm telling you how it is. I never lie.'
I shot him a look that would pierce most people of my acquaintance.
He looked blandly back. However, he seemed truthful.
Angela Pendergast, escapee from the Australian bush, grew up with the smell of hot mutton fat in her hair, the thought of her teeth crunching a cold Tim Tam chocolate biscuit -- the height of decadent frivolity.
Now, though her tastes have grown and she knows absolutely what she wants, her life is embarrassingly stuck.
So when the Devil drops into her bedroom in her sharehouse in inner-city Sydney with a contract in hand, she signs.
He's got only a Hell's week to fulfil his side, but in the meantime he must chaperone her -- or is it the other way around?
The SF Site: Featured Review by Rich Horton "...a wicked, thoroughly unpredictable romp . . . Spotted Lily might just be a particularly inventive comic take on wish-fulfillment, but soon enough it strays far from the beaten path...a dizzying but delightful journey through old myths and modern chaos, turning Faust and Pygmalion on their ear as it cuts its own path toward something like self-knowledge." - Faren Miller, Locus
"I hate giving away the story, but allow me to say that this novel is not going where you think it is....teaming with genuine wit and humor... excellent writing...One thing I’m sure of is that it should be required reading for all those who go into writing fiction with dreams of great remuneration and fame. If it were, Tambour would already be both wealthy and famous." - Jeffrey Ford, 14theditch "One of the things I liked most about this book was that it was so difficult to tell where it was going...the book is so well written that for a lot of the time you don’t actually notice that it has a supernatural element to it." - Cheryl Morgan, Emerald City "It's passionate, it's intense, it's profoundly human and humane and honest, and, when it comes down to it, a hell of a read. I was sitting up late into the night to finish it. It's that good." - Keith Brooke
"This shocker . . . may well strike some like a bracing tonic and others like something a lot less palatable." PublishersWeekly Anna Tambour, on the strength of Spotted Lily and her earlier story collection, Monterra's Deliciosa & Other Tales &, is one of the most delightful, original, and varied new writers on hand. - Rich Horton
Perhaps you would like to read Chapter One
Published by Prime Books
Cover art for Spotted Lily:
The Artist by Norman Lindsay (Australian) c.1921, copyright © Lin Bloomfield
Stomates on scouring rush, electron microscope view, copyright © Dennis Kunkel Microscopy, Inc.
Book Design: Anna Tambour
and another Locus Recommended Reading List Selection
& Other Tales &
Introduction by Keith Brooke
Table of Contents
Temptation, indulgence, exploration and shortcuts. Love and compulsion. An ocean in Kansas, the Magic Lino, the real story behind the one told by Robert Louis Stevenson, a chef dying of ennui, gathering bluebirds, paying with candywrap. And the greatest story ever told -- by Asher E. Treat, of course. The glorious chaos of singing, prancing, perfumed and stinking, the dead and the busy, tragic and achingly otherwise--life itself.
"A winning, offbeat sensibility is at work in the 31 stories and poems that make up Tambour's first fiction collection, finding the lighter side of potentially sober themes and giving humanist spins to scientific ideas. Certain tales show an exotic spirit that puts them squarely in the magic realist tradition, while others reflect self-consciousness about the craft of writing. All but a handful of these stories are original to the volume, which makes a fine introduction
to a writer little known . . ." - Publishers Weekly
"Monterra's Deliciosa & Other Tales & could never be mistaken for ordinary genre fiction ...don't imagine this as high falutin' 'lit'rature' accessible only to people with advanced degrees. Anyone with a taste for beauty, audacity, sensuality, and wit can find much to enjoy here." - Faren Miller, Locus
What about Medlars? I admit it. These venerable individualists (and I've known many personally) have charmed me ― so much so that they star in "Valley of the Sugars of Salt" and have managed to shove themselves into cameo roles in a couple of other stories here.
virtuous medlar circle
Guest Features an excerpt of TWO, a novel by Teodor Reljic
The Fortunes of Mrs. Yu by Charles Tan Previous Features...
More Irresistibles More in The Cellar . . . October 2015 Kale can be so dominating I highly recommend this memoir / slice of history served with erudition, wit, and humour honed by places and times: Mastering the Art of Soviet Cooking: A Memoir of Food & Longing by by Anya von Bremzen The Fabled Flatbreads of Uzbekistan written and photographed by Eric Hansen The Butterflies of Australia by Albert Orr & Roger Kitching with exquisite illustrations by Orr READ MY REVIEW Book of the Month: Slugs of Britain and Ireland "Slugs have a bad press." – Margaret Marks oo Frontiers for Young Minds "Science edited for kids, by kids" The Book of Fungi by Peter Roberts and Shelley Evans Propaganda: Truth and lies in wartime edited by Tony Husband 5 Things to do with a Buddha's hand Death at the Blue Elephant by Janeen Webb Delusions of Gender The Real Science of Sex Differences by Cordelia Fine The hidden world of carnivorous fungi Just go and look A Memory of Wind by Rachel Swirsky The Island of Dr Electrico the new album from my favourite group, The Bombay Royale The Bride Price by Cat Sparks the art of Karla Ortiz Bellweather a short story by Marc Laidlaw The Amoeba in the Room: Lives of the Microbes by Nicholas P. Money The Hidden World of Carnivorous Fungi The Minnow by Diana Sweeney Human Strandings and the Role of the Xenobiologist a short story by Thoraiya Dyer Fearful Symmetries edited by Ellen Datlow Ana Kai Tangata by Scott Nicolay "When streams are ripe and swelled with rain..." Rupetta by Nike Sulway Paul DiFilippo reviews Nathan Ballingrud S.S. a short story by Nathan Ballingrud The Big Aha by Rudy Rucker Among the Thorns a novelette by Veronica Schanoes The Violent Century by Lavie Tidhar Animal Earth by Ross Piper Semolina Ma'amoul by Sawsan Abu Farha Nari Kunjar: an unusual art form by Sirimavo Ediriweera North American Lake Monsters by Nathan Ballingrud Vivien Maier's photographs "Quite possibly the most important street photographer of the 20th century was a 1950s children’s nanny who kept herself to herself and never showed a single one of her photographs to anyone." Ice Age for Indian Scholarship by Apoorvanand America's Most Surprising Banned Books by Theunis Bates & Lauren Hansen Marvel at the creations of illusionist/photographer Chema Madoz The Sound of a Tree Falling by Tarabai The Shadow Year by Jeffrey Ford Clown Wolf by Neil Stuart Morton Cow Dung Paper by Nimaipandit Stefano Manfredi's Italian Food: Over 500 recipes from the authentic to the modern and from the north to the south of Italy Manfredi is one of my favourite people, and his writing about food is the best writing there is, up there with the great Claudia Roden, because to him also, food is part of life, history, place. My story "Valley of the Sugars of Salt" is dedicated to him. Medicinal Plants in Australia - Volume 4 - An Antipodean Apothecary by Cheryll Williams I highly recommend all four volumes of this superbly illustrated and exhaustively researched series. These are wonderfully fat books, beautifully produced books, packed with trustable information and fascinating curiosities on every page. m to us. Heterodontus Portusjacksoni N Not just a girl PPinterest, "Lifestyle" and Walter Benjamin waWa The Fabulous Beast byby Garry Kilworthby The Folly of the World
by Jesse Bullington Murs à Pêches Mr Wigg
by Inga Simpson
by Chris Flynn
celebrating ~ C.C. Askew ~ Extraordinariest "His work challenges my descriptive abilities"
On "Unlikeable Characters" CCreeping Geezerdom' Jane and the Roadspidere Theatre of the Gastronomic Absurd Beet me up "Salicornia maritima and I go way back" Gopallapuram by Ki. Rajanarayanan translated by Pritham K. Chakravarthy = The Kitchen as Laboratory: Reflections on the Science of Food and Cooking
edited by Cesar Vega, Job Ubbink, & Erik van der Linden Leng Dadaoism (an anthology) edited by Justin Isis & Quentin S. Crisp s Porcelain vases - Botanicals by Natalie Blake l by Keith Brooke - One novel, two titles (Harmony in North America, alt.human elsewhere) Koumiss The sandals monument he e Navel gazing Dir Watch an ant colony take up residence inside a scanner over five years he The War of the Gnome and the Mountain Devil The nature of noise WWhen Suva had a Cinema Paradiso m Embrace an indie publisher! New vistas of irreality 20 Cats as Fonts
Some Previous Guest features The Apprenticeship of
Isabetta di Pietro Cavazzi by L. Timmel Duchamp Mama by Bharatram Gaba A Love Story by A.C.E. Bauer Terror Australis Incognito by Leone Britt Why Postmodernists Don't Climb Mountains by Alistair Rennie The Lowly Potato by A.C.E. Bauer Turcotte's Battle by Laura E. Goodin The Multidimensional Topology of Department Stores by Spencer Pate Come Tomorrow by Jayaprakash Sathyamurthy (honorable mention, Best Horror of the Year volume three edited by Ellen Datlow) Terminós by Dean Francis Alfar Don't Turn Loose & Heat by Ferris Gilli Why I like Nudibranchs, marine slugs with Verve by Hans Bertsch
The Lowly Potato
by A.C.E. Bauer 3 Poems
by Robert DeGraaff
Elegy for Brussels Sprouts
No Parking in Cambridge, Mass. The Apparatus by Neil Williamson Cat Flap by Chuck McKenzie CHARLES TAN A Retrospective on Diseases for Sale & The chicken spits the cook or Charles Tan Talks (an interviewish thing) A Stone to Mark My Passing by Lee Battersby On the Blindside by Sonya Taaffe Chaloupes by A.C.E. Bauer Four O'Clocks by Ferris Gilli Night of the Living Crickets by Spencer Pate Excreta, etc. by Bharatram Gaba Nobody Did Debris Like Jack Kirby by Jamie Shanks Oysters: A Few Words by Alistair Rennie & A dead-guests-can't-say-no Featured Classic THE HEAT AND BRIGHTNESS OF THE SUN "(including an experiment with the burning glass, that most boys have often tried)" by Sir Robert S. Ball